when i ordered my wedding stationary a few months ago,
the cost of the reply cards was tallied in automatically.
to which i said,
'whoa wait a second reply cards? are you kidding? this is insulting. my friends were raised to know better (hi i'm megan and i'm a snob) they do NOT need to be hand held through the very basics of polite communication. reply cards are tacky and for rubes' *sniff* i mean, why not just blast one big, sweaty e-vite to everyone. now THAT'S making it easy.
an uncomfortable silence hovered as the gal started closing up the stationary books, clearing her throat.
and then realizing that i may have offended, i pleaded...
'i mean, is that the norm? people order reply cards? what the hell happened to etiquette in the written form?'
i was told, yes, 99% of the people ordering invites, order reply cards.
and this, my dear friends, is an abomination. i've even taken surveys among my peers. and do you know, only one of them knew that there was a format to responding to wedding invitations? 99% of my peers were clueless. i know. it's news to you too i guess.
i also called up my mom, gave her the ' can you believe this?' rant. to which she replied, ever the even toned diplomat, 'it
is insulting to those who know better. but the reason these have become the norm is that nobody knows anymore. and if you don't send one, you'll spend weeks tracking down people to get the response' so i buckled and i did the response card thing. blah. so evite-ish.
so, here is my PSA to you: tuck it in your brain as useless minutiae if you must, but maybe you could start bringing back the beauty and gentility of written communication to this busy, busy TOO-busy-to-sit-down-and-write-a-simple-note, world. to this i say, 'yes we can' . it sounds like 99% of you could start by getting something like this:
turn to this page:
using your
favorite stationary ( my favorites are william arthur, cranes and of course mrs. john l. strong) pen a lovely, short and to the point reply. lick, stamp, mail box and you're done.
now for the rest of you who received the reply card....where is it? i practically did ALL your work. all you have to do is color in the circle, lick it and stick on your mailbox.
turn to this page:
using your favorite stationary ( my favorites are william arthur, cranes and of course mrs. john l. strong) pen a lovely, short and to the point reply. lick, stamp, mail box and you're done. now for the rest of you who received the reply card....where is it? i practically did ALL your work. all you have to do is color in the circle, lick it and stick on your mailbox.
Comments
I love that you posted this. Love it. People just don't know the rules anymore. Not only did I get an invitation within the last year with a STAMPED reply card (insult to injury) but also a lovely printed note about how they might prefer cash to help with a down payment on their house.
Vomit.
Megan - what are your thoughts on save the date notes sent out lightyears ahead of the date? I have heard mixed reviews of such a practice.... some even saying it almost pins you into attending since you couldn't possibly have the fine excuse of "previous engagement" if someone "reserved" your time 9 months prior to the occasion.
Need your expertise on this one, my dear.
i think save the dates should only be used when the wedding is outside the country. no other time. never.
the whole point of sending the wedding invite out 6 weeks before is a save the date in its self! redundancy.
how about, 'in lieu of a gift, the bride and groom ask you to donate to their honeymoon kitty'
that was suggested to me by someone that i love and adore. i had to pass.
although i did get an invite that asked everyone to donate to the peanut allergy foundation. i'm sure there's a tragic story behind it, but it made me chuckle (just a little)
http://iheartmountains.blogspot.com/2008/02/one-more-thing.html
I've been to a wedding where the couple requested that a cash gift be given directly to their travel agent for the honeymoon. It made me want to vomit. I also was a bridesmaid in a wedding where another bridesmaid DIDN'T SEND BACK THE REPLY CARD! Can you imagine? I mean, yes it's a given that you'll be there, but the height of rudeness as close friend to the bride.
Great PSA Megan.
KIDS--nope.not going to by it. it's still not ok to me. it's not stepford either. stepford implies, robotic, mindless actions. the art of writing, taking the time to sit and put pen to linen....is out of respect to the recipient.
and btw, i can't help but think that most people find the time to watch an hour of t.v. at night. so why can't they find 5 minute to write a short note?
i really believe it's ignorance that has been cultivated FROM a stepford existence.
About the STD - I love to get mail. Hand addressed mail with my name rather than "occupant". And I've usually found that the arrival of the STD just reminds me the event is coming and I usually get a little excited thinking about it. Maybe they should be called FYI cards.....because information is really all they are giving out.
I would consider myself a huge manners snob. And it seems that weddings and funerals are the times when we learn which of our friends need a little Blue Book reminder. It was when I got married that I learned who had manners and who did not.
So, have yourself a big glass of red wine, think about Italy and accept that some people cannot ever be changed.
Cheers.
and i will say this...all of my friends that i 'grew up with' know this format (see above comments by bonjour bruxelles and mrs. blandings) so i know it's not an epidemic. it's still the norm in some circles.
Accept these people, don't go crazy and hope that none of them give you a crock pot as a wedding gift.
in fact: joni at cote de texas, ever the gentile southerner, gave to 'walkwithsally' in our honor! how amazing is that.
What do you think of "change of address" cards. Or have I opened another can of worms?
I love them. I use them. I am thankful when I get them. My obsession begins when my husband was out of town on a boys weekend and had to "catch the next flight" to his grandfathers funeral. He really had nothing to wear. And a pigglywiggly was the only shopping around grandfathers home. I, being a supportive wife, Fed-ex'd (for about $125.) a suit to him. Only to find the people had moved. Only 2 blocks away from the original address. And I had no idea. There his suit was in limbo in the same small town where he was. And he had to borrow clothes from a neighbor. Shirt, tie and way too small shoes. No jacket though. bad manners? no jacket at the funeral? yes. and very frustrating for him. poor guy who is actually pretty picky about his clothes really had no other choice. Had those people merely taken the time to type out and mail a 25cent postcard.......all would have been well. I am now psycho about them.
hey go check out the newest posting. you'll laugh.
It's just the way it's done now. I would actually have enjoyed hearing you go bonkers if you hadn't sent out the reply cards. The week of your wedding... wondering who's coming. Then I would have liked to see your post.
People don't know better. It's 2008. I didn't put the dress code on my invitations and I got no less than 20 calls asking what they should wear! It's a wedding LOOK NICE!
Jessica
me too.
anon- i think as i stated before, there was a suggestion to give to charity rather than to us. and this was only done after many, emails and phone calls.
in my circle, having an opportunity to give to a charity is always welcomed. and i really do have plenty. i'm blessed.
You're right. Charity is for the people who need it. But, if everyone was silent how would we know who to give it to?
I tend to "customize" the reply cards I get, adding asides and the like ("And how!" is a particular favourite.) Or, I turn the card over and add a penned note telling the parents how much I am looking forward to the day, etc. .
Form mail (for lack of a term better than the marketer's "SASE") is something with which we live. But calling attention to the "problem" as often as possible and to a internet-wide audience can only help in the long run.
Congratulations on your engagement and wedding to come.
even more amazing, we got very few cards...is it crazy that i noticed? with the gift registry, people just have it shipped to you from the store...nothing was wrapped. no card attached. just a packing slip with a name.